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Review by Rocco Pepe
It’s pretty obvious what Big Drunk Satanic Massacre is just by looking at the cover. It’s playful, satirical, lewd, vulgar and edgy.
The only thing left to wonder is if it’s any good?
Right off the bat, BDSM (ha ha) is clearly a parody game. The fact that the cover art is identical to that of DOOM is your first clue, including both the font and some weird fat versions of the main character. While I do enjoy some subversive humor or story elements, I can’t say that I think that Parody as a genre is all that funny.
I’m not saying that this game is at the level of something like Meet the Spartans or Postal, but it seems like the number one priority of this game was just to poke fun at various random things. It’s just a sense of humor that I can’t say that I’ve really cared for.
This game doesn’t do much to change my mind. There’s supposed to be some story in here about how humanity invaded and annexed Hell, turning it into some kind of bizarre vacation spot filled with vice. It’s all just a framework for the jokes. The humor in this game is incredibly juvenile.
There’s sex, violence and booze all over the place but none of it is used for anything other than weak punchlines. Look, that guy resembles Peter Griffin and he’s farting and puking to attack you.
Hey, there’s those Doom Guys again. Look, that character kind of looks like a My Little Pony, but she’s wearing a Nazi Uniform with the Star of David instead. None of this says anything. It’s not even offensive because of how lazy it all is. The game even tries to point out how uncreative it is at times, but it doesn’t invalidate those flaws.
I got incredibly tired of the jokes, some of which you’ll hear multiple times repeated. The only ones I can remember are those that were so incredibly dated. Who remembers “Hide your kids, hide your wife” in 2019? Saying “The Cake is a Lie” is hardly any better.
Even things that might have had some potential to be zany and satirical like the sex minigame, don’t feel like anything other than an uncomfortable dud. This is the entire reason this game exists, and it’s by far the biggest problem with it.
In case you were curious, Big Drunk Satanic Massacre is a twin-stick, top down shooter. Yes, despite clearly parodying DOOM at many points, this isn’t actually an FPS games. That said, the gameplay of BDSM is by no means terrible. It just doesn’t do much to elevate the other dragging qualities.
The guns all feel like they pack a punch as you mow through enemies, but they aren’t very creative. You can easily upgrade your skills and weapons, but it doesn’t feel like they’re making much of a difference. The areas are filled with details, but it’s somehow hard to make them out when the camera is pulled so far back.
It’s not rocket science, but it’s not exactly simple and satisfying, either. Add in a lot of jank and a few bugs and it’s not all that fun.
Big Drink Satanic Massacre squanders any potentially fun ideas in favor of easy and cheap jokes that feel like a 13-year old wrote them back in 2005.
It’s not endearing enough to let me overlook its various flaws. It feels like what I imagine eating an entire pack of bubblegum at once must feel like: Fun for a few seconds, but you can’t imagine swallowing it.
Final Thoughts: 👎 NOPE